I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
