My Higher Power is John Stamos
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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