The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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