you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
