He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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