You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
