The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
