Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
