just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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