Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
The ass gains better be worth it
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