arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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