Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
