He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
