fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
