Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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