we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize