I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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