1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
