so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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