dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
