what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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