yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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