90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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