You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
