I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize