I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Hippo gnu deer
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
