Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
