The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
