so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
