the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
