We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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