I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
