I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize