would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
