After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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