I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
