I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
