THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
