I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
