saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
