dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
