now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
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