found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
