We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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