She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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