you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize