I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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