I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
