I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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