Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
