If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
