omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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