"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
