my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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