I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
