That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Randomize