K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
