I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
