apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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