whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
