u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
