Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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