You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
