If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
