i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
