O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
