Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
