I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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