I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
