When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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