This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize