Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize